Happy New Year!
Hopefully you’ve recovered from your New Year’s Eve celebrations, and had a lovely lazy final day of holiday break. I, for one, am pooped. For most people the unpacking process can take months, some tell me even years could go by. In true Taina fashion, however, I didn’t leave myself that kind of time. We were hosting my parents overnight while the dining room was still full of boxes in October, and somehow had the space together enough to have Thanksgiving and Christmas in our new home. My brother and his two kids flew in from Dallas two days later, and we together with my local brother we got to countdown to 2020. It’s been a whirlwind of every variety of abundance. No complaints here. I’ve got zero regrets! For the first time in my memory there was no rush to be anywhere. No anxiety at trying to accommodate schedules. We shared some of the best meals of the year together, and really truly celebrated our accomplishments. 2019 was a really good year. This holiday season was the first one I really allowed myself to get into the spirit. I’ve never been more grateful.
But I’m so freaking glad that decade is over!
It wrapped up pretty nicely, but I can’t say I’d ever want to relive any single one of the last ten, or even twenty years. Even as amazing as 2019 turned out to be, it was also one of the most difficult of my life. In fact, the last two decades were pretty freaking awful. That isn’t to say that there weren’t some incredible moments tucked in, but for the most part my earlier years were pretty chaotic. While I know I should focus on all of the good, I have trouble ignoring the fact that it was during last two decades that I have done the most struggling, held some of the most ignorant opinions, engaged in destructive behavior and hurt people who didn’t deserve to be hurt. That last part is the one that sticks with me the most. It’s the thing that’s held me back the most too. I’ve done every single thing my childhood self swore I’d never do. Some would say “Man plans and God laughs”, but the truth really is that I made some incredibly crappy choices, and those choices hurt people.
This isn’t a pity party, so I won’t waste time bemoaning all the muck. I'm accountable for my choices, and their consequences, but if we punish ourselves indefinitely, we aren't leaving room for change. This little nugget of realization has been pushing me through the last year, and if that's an indication of what I can do, you are all in for a treat in 2020.
If a new year has the fresh notebook feel, with the gleaming possibilities beckoning you to fill it with stories and ideas; then a new decade must have even more possibility for renewal. I’m not saying new year, new me, exactly. I’m saying that I can feel my time rising. It’s a lot more like new decade, even better Taina.
I’ve decided to remember what a freaking badass I am, and step into this new decade like I mean business.
I’m claiming the 20’s for myself. I’ve decided that it’s time to stop holding myself back. I’m not going to be afraid of my shadows anymore. This decade is mine to prove that I’ve grown from that brash little girl and developed into an empathetic woman who wants nothing more than to heal the wrongs she’s done, who has some mad writing skills. I’ve decided to turn my self loathing into self motivation, and make my falls worth the trip. No more hiding my name, or holding onto obligatory ones. I’m going to turn my magic all the way up and see what happens.
These will be the Taina Twenties.
I have spoken.
The seeds I’ve planted are already beginning to sprout. I’m incredibly stoked to share that my essay, “Killing Ty” will be getting published in Yellow Arrow Publishing’s Literary Journal, volume 5 issue 1 ! In my next post I’ll tell you all about how this particular submission helped me answer the question: Am I really a writer?
P.P.S. You may want to hit follow, and like, and check out all my other social media, because you’re not going to want to miss a second of the show.